-- “A mistaken belief about what is not yet known.”
This page about will attempt to help you with questions like: What do I do about feeling hopeless? What should I think about it, and what does it mean? (Quick answer: hopeless is like lifeless or curiosity-less. It is believing that what comes next (and how you will be with it) is known, which is untrue…)
Another three minute guide to a common thought/feeling (a la The 3 Principles).
My Thoughts About Feeling Hopeless
Hmm, when have I felt it was hopeless? Ah, I can remember one time at least -- by the boats in Barcelona -- when I truly could not see any way forward.
- Another relationship had ended, and I felt ‘defeated’ by that ‘fact’ -- that I could not manage to make a relationship work
- I felt terrible about myself -- like I just didn’t “get it” (get life), whilst everyone else did
- I was miserable, felt unloved, and unable to be with others lest the stench of my disconnection (and confusion) be smelled by them
I really did feel hopeless, helpless, lost.
I remember it well.
I even remember how wonderful Barcelona was as a place to live at the time, and yet I felt soooo lost. (It was odd, my helplessness -- I noticed it, but there seemed nothing I could do about it. I was doomed, all was lost.)
Feeling Hopeless: Losing Curiosity
Yes, I really had lost ALL curiosity for life, in that moment by the boats in Barcelona (one of my favourite cities in the world, by the way).
That was about 10 years ago. So much has changed. I have grown on the inside, I have developed an Inside-Out understanding of life, and I laugh and sing and dance so much more than I ever used to.
- I didn’t know that was coming for me, and my life, I couldn’t know -- you never can tell what will come next, and how you will feel about it.
- But you think you know otherwise, you do, when you feel hopeless, when you feel helpless.
I can’t remember how that moment changed, how the feeling of helplessness left me, but it did, it did.
And when the world turns greyer and greyer and darker and darker now -- and it sometimes still does -- I spot the feeling, the thought (or at least I know it’s a thought), and I get curious about the feeling. Yes, I get curious about feeling hopeless I do. And it helps, it helps.
Nothing is wrong with the feeling of hopelessness, anyway. And this feeling shouldn’t be denied or resisted. But maybe don’t make any important decisions (or have any important conversations) whilst it lingers, eh -- let the feeling pass, let it be felt, then see what comes next.
That’s what I think anyway, how about you?
About Feeling Hopeless -- The Inside-Out Understanding
The words I wrote down as I thought about this feeling of hopelessness:
- no curiosity
- thinking you know the unknown
- not surrendering (not being vulnerable) -- i.e. life asking you to not know and you resisting this
There is something presumptuous about feeling hopeless. Like you know what’s coming next (when you don’t) and you decide you don’t like it. And it seems to reflect some kind of closedness, some lack of being vulnerable.
Not that there is anything wrong with feeling hopeless, or helpless -- it is a feeling, a thought, nothing more and nothing less. (All feelings/thoughts are neutral, until we give them a meaning. Remember?)
So what purpose does this feeling serve, then, I wonder?…
Hopelessness is reaching a “dead end”, perhaps, in the Outside In paradigm of life -- a not so gentle reminder, then, to see life for how it truly is: Inside-Out
In a life that is experienced moment by living moment, there is no space for hopelessness, for thinking about how things should be, there is just the next moment to be curious about.
Hopelessness: When You Can’t See What You Want To See!
Now most of us do not live in this living Now (even though we all do), so we forget. We make plans. We twist and turn and put a lot on the outcome of those twists and turns. And when it doesn’t go “our way”, we give up hope, we give up. When, in reality, what we are being asked to give up is this notion that we need to know what comes next (we don’t).
We are well, right now, as is.
And what comes next? Well I don’t know what it is because it’s coming next.
And I don’t need hope to live life, I need Myself. You don’t need hope, either, you just need to feel Who You Are. Yes, You are what you are looking for -- you are hope, it’s You.
(Is any of this making sense to you? Are you at all curious about feeling hopeless and what it really means? Do you have your own ideas too, and your own experiences?…)
I am happy to talk with a client about feelings of hopelessness -- I’m happy to listen to them, to be with them, to understand them. And then I am happy to point them in the direction of Truth, of Who They Truly Are -- point them inside -- and to then get curious how that impacts their feelings of hopelessness.
About Feeling Hopeless -- Video
Here’s what I was inspired to share in a video I recorded in October, 2015:
What Are YOU Thinking?
Is this making sense to you? Either the words I’ve shared, or the 3 minute hero video I recorded. Do you agree or disagree about my thoughts about feeling hopeless -- I’d love to know!…
"Leave everything undefined, including yourself. Befriend uncertainty. Fall in love with mystery. Kneel at the altar of not knowing. Give your questions time to breathe. The answers will find you." – Jeff Foster
Explore what happens to your problems when you leave yourself 'undefined'...
(1-2-1 transformative coaching conversations are a powerful way to explore the human condition. First conversation always free.)