– “An impersonal force of nature doing its thing?”
This page will attempt to help you with questions like: What do I do about feeling angry? What should I think about it? What does it mean? (Quick answer: anger is a part of you that needs to find its way into self-expression. Until it doesn’t.)
Another three minute guide to a common thought/feeling (a la The 3 Principles).
My Thoughts About Feeling Angry
“Oh golly, it’s anger time! That time when I get to turn green and my pants split and I cause havoc, everywhere!”
Hmm, well at least that’s what I think when I have thoughts about feeling angry. None too helpful thoughts, really. As it leads to holding onto anger. For a long, long time in my case. And that’s a long, long time to drink poison. Isn’t it?
But I have done anger. It explodes within me. It expresses itself. Perhaps none too wisely. I do get angry, I do. And I wish I didn’t, wish I didn’t have these angry thoughts and feelings pulsing through me at times, but I do.
- Yes my anger needs to be honoured.
- Your anger needs to be honoured, too, whoever it’s aimed at.
The wisdom here, I guess, is learning how to express your anger as ‘in the moment’ as you possibly can. (That means not blaming the tardy and forgetful waiter, for example, for the ills of your partner/child/mother! Cos that ain’t fair! Or helpful.)
So how do I express my anger, wisely, then?
Hmm, other than noticing my anger and being much more okay with how I show up in the world, I really don’t have an answer to that question. Right now. Maybe I don’t need an answer, or maybe I do…
About Feeling Angry – The Inside-Out Understanding
Anger is simple a feeling, simply a thought.
- Somebody treated you ‘badly’ or in a way they shouldn’t have
- Circumstances turned out differently to how you’d have liked them to turn out
- You have been misunderstood in a way that feels unsettling or uncertain or at least unnecessary
Or, you have some (childhood) pains or fears that have been stirred up and you really don’t want to feel those feelings any more (“how dare you!”) – yes, unfelt pain strikes again!
Or… There are many ways you and I can become angry: our team losing, our political party not getting into power, our lover behaving in a way they promised they’d never do (again!)…
On and on it goes, the list of things that can cause us to anger.
- But it’s just life, moving as it chooses; it’s just a feeling.
- There’s nothing personal about anger, believe it
or not, it’s just a force of nature doing its thing.
And the sooner I realise the truth of this the better: for you, me and everyone.
The sooner I realise that the peace and delight and ease I want to feel (as mentioned in the video below) IS ALWAYS THERE inside of me, the sooner I can allow myself to feel other thoughts and feelings that I once thought of as less pleasant – the sooner I realise that ALL thoughts/feelings are welcome, all of them!
(Maybe this is true for you, too.)
These are my thoughts about feeling angry right now, anyway – anger is not the enemy I once thought it once was, it’s just another part of my experience of life, another thought/feeling for me to be with. Hmmm…
(So I don’t explicitly talk about expressing anger in my transformative coaching work, but I do find that what wants to express itself should be listened to – oh yes!)
About Feeling Angry – Video
Here’s what I was inspired to share in a video I recorded in October, 2015:
What Are YOU Thinking?
Is this making sense to you? Either the words I’ve shared, or the 3 minute hero video I recorded. Do you agree or disagree about my thoughts about feeling angry – I’d love to know!
"Leave everything undefined, including yourself. Befriend uncertainty. Fall in love with mystery. Kneel at the altar of not knowing. Give your questions time to breathe. The answers will find you." – Jeff Foster
Explore what happens to your problems when you leave yourself 'undefined'...
(1-2-1 transformative coaching conversations are a powerful way to explore the human condition. First conversation always free.)