What Difference Do They Make?
Even though I don’t know you, I do. That is, if you’re a human being reading this. I know some quite intimate, personal things about you; know some surprising facts.
I know 3 unsurprising facts, too. Like these:
- I know that you are alive right now
- I know that you are concsious of your experience of life, and
- I know that you think (and you probably think too much).
I also know that these 3 ‘facts’ (3 Principles) are likely completely underwhelming to you, easy to ignore and dismiss. So far so obvious, then…
My 3 Surprising Facts About You
- You are your ONLY ‘enemy’ (there is only you)
- The ONLY person you’re people pleasing is you
- You don’t want what you think want…
So IF you are a human being, and if you live in this universe, and if the time is NOW, then these three surprising facts are true of you.
These facts are independent of your age, faith, gender, sexual orientation, race, nationality, or religion.
And these facts are not a judgement, they’re just… facts. Facts of being alive, really.
FACT 1: You Are Your ONLY Enemy (There Is Only You)
“And God said “Love Your Enemy,” and I obeyed him and loved myself.” – Kahlil Gibran
So, you’ve heard that expression, “you are your own worst enemy”. Well fact is, it’s true, you are: you REALLY are your own worst enemy. Not only that, you are your ONLY enemy.
You being your own worst enemy probably doesn’t surprise you. Not if you’re at least a little bit self-aware. (If it does surprise you, please read this .)
Deep down I think you can see that no matter how much you think it’s what others say that’s holding you back, or what that person did to you that’s holding you back, or if you think it’s the success of others that’s holding you back, it’s still ‘you’ where the problem lies.
Deep down you’ve probably seen that it’s YOU, really, who’s holding you back; It’s YOU who’s getting in the way all the time; it’s YOU who seems bothered by how things turn out.
The thing that’s really surprising, though, is this: THERE IS ONLY YOU. Your experiences of life. Your experiences of other. Your experiences of the news. Etc. Your feelings, your thinking, you.
There is just you. (For you.) And there is just me (For me.) Etc. And so it goes that you are the only ‘enemy’ (for you) and you are the only solution, too.
(Does that not surprise you?)
And so everyone, everything else merely exists inside your experience of you, to remind you of this: there’s only you. A you identified with ego, and a YOU not identified with it.
Just you. Enemy. Saviour. And the eternal illusory battle.
FACT 2: The ONLY Person You’re Ever People-Pleasing Is YOU!
“Your need for acceptance can make you invisible in this world. Don’t let anything stand in the way of the light that shines through this form. Risk being seen in all of your glory.” – Jim Carrey
Hmm, I write this as a ‘recovering people-pleaser’ now, and I AM surprised at this turn of events, I can assure you. Of course, if there is only me then people pleasing has to be some form of me-management, doesn’t it, some form of ‘wanting to control’ MY experience.
But let’s pretend for a moment that there’s a world of you, me, and everyone else out there shall we. (And let’s pretend that you have yet to read this earlier post on people pleasing .)
So, have you ever noticed what’t really going when you’re engaged in people pleasing? Y’know, when you keep quiet, and don’t speak out. When you resist what you know to be true for you. When you seemingly put other people’s feelings ahead of your own.
Have you ever noticed what’s actually going on here?
Let me tell you. You’re engaged in a form of wanting to control. You’re attempting to manage your experience of life – to avoid conflict, to avoid disagreement, to avoid anything that you think is unpleasant.
In short, you’re attempting to please yourself. And ONLY that. Because if you didn’t care about your experience of life (or their experience of you) – or if you fully understood it for what it was (Inside-Out-generated) – you certainly wouldn’t put anywhere near as much energy into managing other people’s experiences.
But, as I’ve already said, there IS only you.
So, people pleasing de facto has to be YOU pleasing.
(Does that not surprise you?)
Which leads me nicely to…
FACT 3: You Don’t Want What You Think Want (You’re Not Who You Think You Are)
“Let go of who you think you’re supposed to be and embrace who you are.” – Brené Brown
Now I don’t know exactly what it is that you think you want. I will give you that. So please take a moment now to give consideration to what it is that you REALLY WANT RIGHT NOW.
Maybe ‘what you want’ looks a little bit like this:
- More money
- A great relationship
- A successful, thriving business
- To be healthy again
- To have a different past, even
So, I’ve got news for you – and here comes the third surprise:
- You don’t want X (whatever X is), you want the feeling you’ll get when you have X
Pause on that one, for a moment.
( Space to pause… )
Example, you don’t want that fantastic man in your life (or sexy woman – or both!), you actually want the feeling you think you’ll have when they’re in your life.
You don’t want to be healthy again, for example, you just want a life where you’re not worrying about your health.
Same goes for that life-changing career opportunity, or finally getting recognition, or achieving success. You actually want the feeling that (you think) comes from the things that you want.
Do you get me, here? (And does that not surprise you?)
This is subtle. But important. To say the least.
Because, and here’s another surprising fact for you: What happens, and the feeling you get from what happens – they’re just not the same. What happens is out of your control, really. But the feeling you get from what happens, well that’s you – that comes from you.
Yes, the good news here is that feeling – that’s you, that is, that feeling is already there just waiting for you to notice it, to relax into it, to allow it (and completely independent of circumstance or situation!).
I call this feeling “innate happiness”, but it could also go by the name of consciousness or ‘enlightenment’ or being ‘free’ of your ego.
It could also be what you experience of life minus the thinking about what you experience.
Or, unconditional life.
The Surprising Good News
I have more good news, too. Once you understand how life works – and it works from the Inside-Out (YOU literally create your own reality – not always what happens, obviously, but ALWAYS what you make of what happens) – then the following surprising things start to happen…
- NO MORE ENEMIES – JUST YOU
- NO MORE PEOPLE PLEASING – JUST YOU
- NO MORE WANTING – JUST YOU
Yes, you start to see things as they are, as you are, and you come to accept your experience of life as it shows up for you.
The notion of ‘enemies’ disappear, replaced with noticing what IS. The need to please (or be pleased) starts to evaporate too. And you start to want what life wants.
Just like that.
And I call this state of affairs, “innate happiness” or awareness of “innate health” or even “Happiness Now”.
But please don’t take my word for it. About my 3 surprising facts. Find out for yourself, why don’t you! Take a closer, more curious look at how you experience your moment-by-moment life…
A Coaching Conversation Might Help
Reading blog posts is good. Watching videos is good, too. But sometimes having a meaningful conversation about the issue you're experiencing is best. To experience a transformative coaching conversation where you get to ask YOUR questions, and to experience YOUR insights. Well, I can help you with that...