Are You Always Getting in Your Own Way?
Ever met someone who was clearly their own worst enemy? It’s almost painful to see, isn’t it. Well, I have bad news for you regarding ‘enemies’, and some good news too. The thing is, there’s only ever been one ‘enemy’ in your life, or theirs, as this Inside-Out understanding blog post will now reveal…
[Last updated: Nov, 2017 – post summary]
Introduction: Think Of An Enemy, Any Enemy!
“You are your own worst enemy!”, I think to myself. About a friend, a sibling, or a colleague. Because I know that, clearly, if it wasn’t for what they thought, or did, or believed in, then their life would be so much easier. I bet you’ve thought this, too, about someone. It’s almost painful to see, isn’t it.
Well, it’s a most peculiar thing because what you’ve noticed is true for them is true for you, too. YOU are your own worst enemy. Not only that, you are your ONLY enemy. Because… there is ONLY YOU..
But, no worries, because – with understanding – you can ‘get out of your own way’, you can…
So, let’s do an experiment shall we.
I’d like you to take a few moments now to think. To think about your enemies – that exist right now or existed some time in the fabled past. Think. Let those people, those circumstances come to your mind. (Hmm, I bet you this doesn’t feel good.)
Okay, and now I’m going to pretend to be a mind reader, I’m going to list (some of) the people that you think are your greatest ‘enemies’:
- Your Siblings?
- Your Exes?
- People You Dislike?
- Goading Girls?
- Manipulative Men?
- Thoughtless Types?
- Work Colleague?
- Childhood Bully?
- Painful Memory?
- ALL these so-called enemies do is remind you what you think about yourself
- ALL these ‘enemies’ do is remind you THAT you think
Repeat, all the enemies that life could ever throw at you simply remind you what you think of yourself. What you think about life. Or, THAT YOU think. (So, these enemies are – in fact – a gift. A gift to show you who you are and what you think of yourself, what you think. Just like Abraham Lincoln would have you believe.)
I don’t like that man. I must get to know him better.
– Abraham Lincoln
(And this surprising turn of events comes about because we misunderstand the true nature of the human experience. Keep reading…)
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Why YOU Are Your Own Worst Enemy, Then!
…That’s the good news, then, but there’s bad news too, I’m afraid.
- You think you stink, quite a lot of the time
Yes, you really don’t think too highly of yourself. Oh, you make like you’re the bees knees in the company of others quite often, but deep down inside there’s a quiet disdain for yourself that is okay as long as it doesn’t show itself.
But it does show itself, your self-disdain. Often. Via the people you call your enemies. And you believe what you think.
(No wonder they say don’t shoot the messenger.)
Even worse news is this, though – it’s (quite literally) gonna ruin your day.
- You can’t be with your (often painful) experience of yourself, sometimes, and will do anything you can to make the pain go away.
And this despite the wise words of one Sydney Banks
If the only thing people learned was not to be afraid of their experience, that alone would change the world.
But it’s understandable this, because you quite likely think you’re living in the feeling of your circumstance, when – truly – you’re living in the feeling of your thinking in the moment.
AND… you haven’t had a direct experience that there’s nothing you need that you don’t already have. (Meaning: you don’t know you’re OKAY, as is.)
Would You Like To See How *I’m* My Own Worst Enemy?
So I am my own worst enemy too. And I’ll show you what that looks like right now. You might want to look away now as you’re about to read the highly abbreviated version of how I conspire to make my romantic relationships ‘difficult’.
- I worry (think) far too much about how a relationship might turn out and resort to ‘thinking more” about the relationship, oh and I talk far too much about relationships – kill the moment all over the place I do (it’s true!)
- I think I should have settled down with somone by now, and think it means there’s something wrong with me for not doing so (there isn’t).
- I don’t like to experience a woman’s anger/scorn/disappointment, specifcally how that makes me feel inside (so it’s not about her at all, but about how I feel about her – oh oh!)
The fact I’m aware of my enemy inside is a great help, it is, but I still let the ‘enemy’ get the better of me, I still struggle to be in the moment in a relationship come what may.
I could easily blame cussed ‘wimmin’ here, but the real ‘enemy’ is me, and how I tend to believe my thinking in relationships.
That’s just one example, then, in one area of life (relationships) for one one human being (me).
But this is just as true for you as it is for me as it is for everyone – and only ALL of the time.