Why Relationships Are Easier Than You Think
It’s true, improved, better relationships are easy – you just have to get out of your own way (think less). And I should know, I’ve thunk too much in oh-so-many relationships over the years. So, think less: 400 words or so come next…
Better Relationships – “What does it mean?”
When you stop expecting people to be perfect, you can like them for who they are.
-- Donald Miller
If I had a penny for every second I had ‘spent’ thinking about relationships why truly I would be a billionaire rivalling Bill Gates, Richard Branson, JK Rowling et al.
And perhaps this ‘thinking’ is the reason I am not actually a billionaire.
And perhaps it’s also why I have found having better relationships a struggle: too much thinking.
I know I think too much about relationships – Why did he do that? What does it mean when she says that? How can I make things work? etc – and I know it doesn’t really help, and I know I can’t help myself either sometimes.
FACT: There is no single answer to a question like “what does it mean?” – it means whatever you make it mean, in the moment!
Still, I know that it’s all right – whatever I ‘make’ of relationships, it’s all right.
So, yes, I know how to make relationships hard work. I know that thinking too much doesn’t help. I know that the best way to be in a relationship is to think less and be more.
And how do you do that?…
Hah, well I could share some thinking on that if you like, get you in your head, but it’s not going to help you. (I promise.)
Better Relationships: Think Less, BE More…
…So, let me show you what being more (and thinking less) looks like:
- You feel good about yourself, whether you’re in a relationship with someone else or you’re not. (And when I say good, I really mean GOOD.)
- You enjoy your company (a lot) whether you’re on your own or you’re with friends or you’re with your partner
- You know that every good feeling you’ll ever have comes from within you.
(It might seem that *she* makes you feel good, or the way *he* looks at you makes you feel secure, but this is a mistaken view – an Outside-In misunderstanding. Your security, your well-being, that good feeling comes from within.)
So, hmm not too much thinking here, not too many strategies. (Phew!)
But do you notice how your experience of your ‘better relationship’ depends on you?
And so, I politely suggest, when you deepen your understanding of Who You Truly Are, instead – when you experience the wonderful being (that’s you!), for yourself – then you will start having more and more wonderful relationships with others, whatever happens in those relationships.
FACT: Whatever happens in a particular relationship, whatever the outcome, YOU ARE OKAY: you are not broken, nothing is wrong with you, all is well.
Better Relationships – 3 Minute Heroes Video
Here’s what came to me as I shared my thoughts on this topic during a 3 Minute Heroes video I recorded in December, 2014:
A Coaching Conversation Might Help
Reading blog posts is good. Watching videos is good, too. But sometimes having a meaningful conversation about the issue you're experiencing is best. To experience a transformative coaching conversation where you get to ask YOUR questions, and to experience YOUR insights. Well, I can help you with that...