What Trusting Yourself REALLY Looks Like!…
You trust yourself enough when whatever happens is okay with you. This doesn’t mean you never make mistakes, that things don’t go wrong; it simply means you know to guide yourself from within…
[Last updated: June, 2016 – post summary]
Trust Yourself: An Introduction
There’s nothing wrong with feeling fearful, oh no! Just as long as you don’t take the feeling too seriously. Just as long as you know, deeply so, that YOU got your back!..
So, do YOU trust yourself?
This is one of those powerful questions that some of us can’t even ask ourselves, let alone answer (y’know, like the question “Do you love yourself, enough?”).
So I’ll do you a favour, shall I, and answer on your behalf. And – forgive my presumptuousness – but the answer is NO, no you don’t! (Or at best, you don’t trust yourself enough!)
How Do I Know You Don’t Trust Yourself?
So, how do I know this, how can I be so certain? Well…
- You believe that happiness/security/peace of mind is dependent on circumstances, you believe in the myth “I’ll be happy WHEN…”
- You worry about the behaviour of others close to you, or you worry about your own behaviour (“What would people think, if only they knew…?”)
- And you rely on your thinking too much, thinking that those thoughts will ‘protect’ you from what life can throw at you. (It won’t: it’s your thinking that’s causing the problem!)
Now I may well be wrong about you – I find myself being wrong, more and more these days, it’s fun! – you might actually trust yourself implicitly, and you might just be reading this because you trust yourself. And in that case, this is what your peaceful life looks like, then:
- You are okay when things don’t work out (you just ‘get back on the horse’, and try something else)
- You feel fine when it turns out you were wrong (a quick apology, if necessary, with no need to defend old thinking whatsoever)
- You are not worried about how other people behave because you know it will have no impact on your inner well-being
- You don’t feel lonely, or alone – you simply enjoy your own company, when you find yourself in it…
In other words, you never need to control how things turn out, which means you rarely (if ever) worry about life – you just let it flow, you’re at ease with it, you enjoy what comes (whether it feels good or bad, you enjoy what comes)…
(See what I mean! You don’t trust yourself, really, do you?)
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I Don’t Trust Myself Enough Sometimes, Either!…
Don’t get me wrong! I don’t trust myself, either! Enough. But I want to, more and more, and I know I will do so simply by staying in this 3 principles conversation.
And so I’m writing this post as a kind of signpost to where I am on my own ‘trusting myself’ journey, as well as a signpost to you, too.
Trusting yourself – truly trusting yourself – really does mean that you can embrace life, fully, with no need of guarantees of ‘success’, or anything! (Hate to break it to ya, but there are NO guarantees in this life, other than we’re gonna die, one day or another!)
Because, as I’m sure you’ve read before, failure is an event (at worst) and it is most certainly NOT a person. (Actually, failure is a sign that you’re trying something new. Just ask any toddler that keeps falling over, in its first attempts to walk for the first time.)
Steve’s 2013 Example…
So how am I learning to trust myself more? Let me share, briefly, a personal example from 2013 (with names changed to protect the innocent).
I’ve recently broken up with my girlfriend (let’s call her ‘W’!) for the second time – a long-term, loving relationship where I didn’t trust myself enough.
And how did that non-trust manifest itself, then? Well, in this not exhaustive list of ‘insecurities’, that’s how:
- I never truly allowed myself to feel comfortable in the relationship (‘just in case’), so was always ‘on guard’…
- So I often wondered where she was, when she wasn’t with me. Most of the time I kept this to myself (how nice of me, huh!), but it affected how I felt about the relationship – I didn’t feel good – and sometimes I did share my anxieties with ‘W’
- I put pressure (gentle and not-so-gentle) on the relationship or things to go a certain way. I didn’t trust in the moment, for us to do what felt right in the moment (alone, or with friends); I had to ‘exert control’ to get what I thought I wanted (what I thought would mean our relationship would be secure).
Bullet-Point Badness – Do You Trust Yourself Enough?
The net effect of these anxieties is that one person in a relationship is always wondering about how long the relationship is going to last, is sometimes waiting for the day when they tell you they’ve met someone ‘better’… i.e. you’re never fully enjoying the relationship.
The net effect of these anxieties – worries about ‘the worst that might happen’ – is that the other person starts to feel concerned about the relationship, too, starts to not enjoy the relationship. (Self-fulfilling prophecies, anyone?)
And all this comes simply from a lack of awareness at the time that I did not trust myself enough.
Yes, this is IMPORTANT: I did not behave like this on purpose, but because I didn’t know any better, because I thought this was the only thing I could do to ‘get what I wanted’. (And when you trust yourself enough, then what you want IS to enjoy the relationship in the moment, the ebb and flow – the fun of being with someone you love, no ‘control’ necessary! (A virtuous circle, you might say.))
So the relationship is less fun that it could have been, and all because I did not trust myself enough to realise this truth about myself: I am enough… I am okay, as is – and whatever happens/happened in the relationship with ‘W’, I will always be enough, and I will always be okay.