Are YOU Your Own Worst Enemy?

Ever met someone who was clearly their own worst enemy? It’s almost painful to see, isn’t it. Well, I have bad news for ya: YOU are your own worst enemy, too! Not only that, you are your ONLY enemy. But, you can ‘get out of your own way’, you can… 

[Last updated: May, 2017 – post summary]



Introduction: Think Of An Enemy, Any Enemy!

“You are your own worst enemy!” Have you ever said that to someone, in all seriousness, or thought that about them? I bet you have.

Well, it’s a most peculiar thing because it’s true about you, too. YOU are your own worst enemy. Not only that, you are your ONLY enemy.

So, let’s do an experiment shall we.

I’d like you to take a few moments now to think. To think about your enemies – that exist right now or existed some time in the fabled past. Think. Let those people, those circumstances come to your mind. (Hmm, I bet you this doesn’t feel good.)

Okay, and now I’m going to pretend to be a mind reader, I’m going to list (some of) the people that you think are your greatest ‘enemies’:

  • Your Parents?
  • Your Siblings?
  • Your Exes?
  • People You Dislike?
  • The Nay-Sayers?
  • The Goading Girls?
  • The Manipulative Men?
  • The Thoughtless Types?
  • A Nuisance Neighbour?
  • A Work Colleague?
  • A Childhood Bully?
  • A Painful Memory?


Now “Dance monkeys dance”, let’s shake off all that negative vibe we’ve just built up. Ooohoohhhh, shake it all off, I have some good news for you.

  • ALL these so-called enemies do is remind you what you think about yourself

Repeat, all the enemies that life could ever throw at you simply remind you what you think of yourself. What you think about life. Or, what YOU think. (So, these enemies are – in fact – a gift. A gift to show you who you are and what you think of yourself. Just like Abraham Lincoln would have you believe.)

I don’t like that man. I must get to know him better.
– Abraham Lincoln

(And this surprsing turn of  events comes about because we misunderstand the true nature of the human experience. Keep reading…)


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Why YOU Are Your Own Worst Enemy, Then!

…That’s the good news, then, but there’s bad news too, I’m afraid.

  • You think you stink, quite a lot of the time

Yes, you really don’t think too highly of yourself. Oh, you make like you’re the bees knees in the company of others quite often, but deep down inside there’s a quiet disdain for yourself that is okay as long as it doesn’t show itself.

But it does show itself, your self-disdain. Often. Via the people you call your enemies. And you believe what you think.

(No wonder they say don’t shoot the messenger.)

Even worse news is this, though – it’s (quite literally) gonna ruin your day.

  • You can’t be with your (often painful) experience of yourself, sometimes, and will do anything you can to make the pain go away.

And this despite the wise words of one Sydney Banks

If the only thing people learned was not to be afraid of their experience, that alone would change the world.

But it’s understandable this, because you quite likely think you’re living in the feeling of your circumstance, when – truly – you’re living in the feeling of your thinking in the moment.


Would You Like To See How *I’m* My Own Worst Enemy?

So I am my own worst enemy too. And I’ll show you what that looks like right now. You might want to look away now as you’re about to read the highly abbreviated version of how I conspire to make my romantic relationships ‘difficult’.

  • I worry (think) far too much about how a relationship might turn out and resort to ‘thinking more” about the relationship, oh and I talk far too much about relationships – kill the moment all over the place I do (it’s true!)
  • I think I should have settled down with somone by now, and think it means there’s something wrong with me for not doing so (there isn’t).
  • I don’t like to experience a woman’s anger/scorn/disappointment, specifcally how that makes me feel inside (so it’s not about her at all, but about how I feel about her – oh oh!)

The fact I’m aware of my enemy inside is a great help, it is, but I still let the ‘enemy’ get the better of me, I still struggle to be in the moment in a relationship come what may.


I could easily blame cussed ‘wimmin’ here, but the real ‘enemy’ is me, and how I tend to believe my thinking in relationships.


Back to you, now. Shall we see how YOU are your own worst enemy? Or shall I spare your blushes….


SUMMARY: YOU Are Your Own Worst Enemy

To get out of your own way means to stop taking yourself so seriously, to stop taking life seriously, and to stop wanting to control life.

The outside world is, and can only ever be, a reflection of the inner one.

Tempting as it is, then, to see enemies everywhere – people don’t think like you do, don’t behave like you want them to behave, don’t want what you want, etc. There IS only one enemy, only one “inner voice” you listen to, only one that experiences your life (full five senses and all) – and that one is YOU.

Put as simply as I can: “If there is no enemy within, the enemy outside can do us no harm.” – African proverb [ ‘Harm’, then, is merely a reminding.]

How to ‘defeat’ such an enemy, then? With love. With noticing. With looking inwards, whenever you can. THAT is how you get out of your own way…


THE ENEMY: Some Next Steps To Take…

Intellectually ‘getting this’ is one thing – getting that you are your own worst enemy, and it’s an Inside-Out job. But it takes more than this to get out of your own way. Here are some steps you might want to experiment with:

  • Don’t believe everything you think, especially about yourself
  • Understand that you are flawed, imperfect, and that is okay
  • Recognise that you are your worst enemy, notice and see it

Or, much more simply, you could…


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